Research and Reflection Paper
Resolving conflict from a biblical perspective isn’t easy. I know this from personal experience, and I can say I haven’t always succeeded. The world often defines conflict resolution as getting one's own way and having the most power in a conflict. Even going as far as to teach manipulation strategies to up one’s “game” and ability to have their way. The problem with this may seem obvious; however, most are oblivious. This strategy of resolving conflict often leads to poor relationship management, poor relationships in general, and internal and external struggles within one’s life or community/organization. The solution isn’t handling conflict the world’s way, but in a Godly way. Contrary to the world’s beliefs on conflict resolution, the Bible teaches that the way to handle conflict is by prioritizing humility, forgiveness, and love. Christ taught these very principles and displayed them Himself throughout His ministry 2000 years ago. They are still relevant to this day, and I would even say now is the time, more than ever, to utilize what Christ taught.
When we look at what the world says about managing conflict, we see a lot of teaching that contradicts the Bible. When growing up, we hear that if someone were to ever do us wrong to do the same or even worse back to the other person. We grow up being spoon-fed the mindset of not turning the other cheek but slapping the other’s even harder than they slapped ours. We are fed the mindset throughout high school and college that to be relevant, one must be the most powerful and influential. The world teaches that it is essential to manipulate others to get your way and to only care about your way in this cruel, unjust society. There are bestseller books out there specifically targeting individuals who seek to become “better” than everyone else. Books that prioritize how to manipulate and bend others to one’s will. This often becomes the norm today, and we see it in almost every secular business, relationship, and lifestyle. However, it has been this way since the dawn of time; only now, with the rise of social media, it is easier than ever to learn how to adopt this mindset of selfishness.
Unfortunately, a lot of people have already adopted this mindset, including some Christians. The world shoves the idea that you're only strong if you show your strength in brute force when in conflict. Often resulting in quarrels, civil conflict within organizations and relationships, and potentially causing serious internal/external problems within a person. An example of this may be when there is conflict in an organization or relationship, and instead of coming together to acknowledge the conflict and seek a solution for both parties, one or the other seeks to only have their way. One person may even go as far as threatening the other or never admitting their part in the conflict, either. This results in a massive ego battle that often leads to either emotional or, in some unfortunate cases, physical abuse.
There have been stories about people who take each other's lives over something as simple as a pencil. At first glance, it may seem silly and even childish that someone would end another’s life over a pencil, and you’d be right, it is childish and silly. However, it wasn’t the pencil that caused the dispute. It was the fact that they got into an ego battle where neither person wanted to give in, resulting in insults being hurled at each other until eventually one person had had enough and went to the extent of ending the other’s life. This may seem a bit extreme, and it is; however, it is a real thing that happens almost all the time. Maybe not over a pencil, but over things that may not matter so much if one just had Jesus in their life. However, just because one has Jesus in their life doesn’t mean that they'll automatically know how to handle any and all conflict. Biblical conflict management is a skill that needs to be refined and practiced as much as possible.
Throughout history, there have been plenty of conflicts that were handled the wrong way, leading to broken relationships, societies, and organizations. When one seeks to have only their way and be selfish, the whole relationship or organization is at risk. Unfortunately, this happens a lot, not just today but even in biblical times. For example, one of the earliest mentions of conflict is the story of Cain and Abel. Cain, filled with jealousy and anger, took his brother’s life because he was jealous of him. The problem here is that Cain never once sought God in the conflict; rather, he let his ego get to the point where he had no desire to reconcile his feelings, but to take them out on Abel. This happens even today, often. The problem here is pride, and when left unaddressed, it can become quite dangerous.
While there is a big problem at hand, there is an even bigger solution, Jesus. The Bible teaches us how to handle conflict, and it completely contradicts what the world teaches about conflict. The world says all conflict is bad and you should seek your own way before someone else gets theirs. The Bible teaches that not all conflict is bad and can even be used for the glory of God. The Bible teaches that when we endure conflict, we can choose to honor Christ through it by showing love, forgiveness, grace, mercy, and humility. All things that the world teaches us not to have when enduring conflict.
The Bible doesn’t teach selfishness but selflessness. It teaches how to lay down your life for one another and to stand up for what's right in the eyes of the Lord.
Jesus states to “turn the other cheek” when in conflict with another person. No, this does not mean to take every beating given to you and to just sit there helpless, but to be humble and not seek personal vengeance, but instead pray and forgive the person, knowing that in the end the Lord will have the final say. The ability to remain humble and forgiving is what makes one strong, not being able to slap someone harder than they slapped you and seeking personal vengeance. The Bible teaches us to pray for our enemies, not wish death, destruction, harm, and punishment upon them.
Some key principles the Bible teaches are love, forgiveness, mercy, grace, and humility in conflict. When someone does wrong, the Bible teaches that the immediate response should be to respond in love and humility. To show grace and mercy on the one who has done wrong. However, it doesn’t stop there. Jesus also teaches one of the most important principles in the entire Bible, and that is forgiveness. Forgiveness plays a key part in the ability to handle conflict in a Godly manner. It enables one to look past the mistakes and hurt and to look forward to how to manage the conflict.
The Bible mentions the fruits of the Spirit and how all believers will have them. While we are not perfect at practicing them, we do have them within our spirit. The ability to love through difficult conditions and circumstances is something that only the spirit can do. The ability to show humility when the flesh so badly wants to feed the ego is something only the spirit can do. The ability to show grace and mercy to one who has wronged you badly is something only the spirit can do. My point is that when one accepts Jesus and is given the Holy Spirit, they can endure conflict with Christ. Using the gifts He has given to all.
The spirit enables us to go about conflict in a completely different way than what the world leads all others to believe. To the world, God’s way for us to handle conflict is foolish, but to God, the world’s way of handling conflict is foolish. This is an ongoing problem in society.
Jesus displayed these very principles in His ministry 2000 years ago. He was spat on, mocked, whipped, laughed at, and humiliated, yet never once did He seek to snap back. Instead, He continued to show steadfast love, mercy, grace, and forgiveness to those who opposed Him up until death. Even one of His last words was “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” Jesus is the perfect model for these principles that we seek to follow. He taught and lived them out. In the end, He will have the final say and is the ultimate judge.
It can be hard sometimes as a Christian to live out these values and principles. We are not going to be perfect all the time, and we will fail more times than we would like. However, just like with anything, practice makes perfect. No, we will never perfect the ability to love, forgive, show humility, grace, and mercy. We can try to live it out every day of our lives.
I have noticed in my personal life that it is hard to follow Christ sometimes. There are times when we as humans must wrestle with our flesh and battle against the things we want to do. Paul writes in Romans how we must deny our flesh and renew our minds daily to follow Christ. We must crucify our flesh daily and learn to walk in the spirit. We will not always want to handle conflict the right way, but when we do, we will notice the good that happens in our relationships. For example, when we choose not to succumb to our flesh and ego, and instead work with each other to love, forgive, and overcome, we will see an increase in fruit in our lives and relationships.
Books like Resolving Everyday Conflict by Ken Sande and Kevin Johnson, and Communication and Conflict Management In churches and Christian Organizations by Kenneth O. Gangel and Samuel A. Canine have helped me personally understand conflict better and how to handle it in a Godly manner. In the book Resolving Everyday Conflict, the author states, “How can I please and honor God in this situation?” as a motto that we should use when encountering conflict. This phrase has helped me, and I often think about it when engaging in conflict. In the book Communication and Conflict Management, the author goes over “Shawchuck’s descriptions of conflict management styles.” These styles go over conflict management styles that many people may use and compare them to animals such as the turtle (Avoiding), Accommodating (The Teddy Bear), Collaborating (The Owl), Compromising (The fox), and Competing (The shark). Although it would take me a while to get through all those so for the sake of space and time, I won’t go into detail. This is what the author wrote about the “owl” management style.
The person using this style seeks the participation of parties in defining the conflict and in agreeing with the procedure that all will view as proper conflict management. This person looks for mutually agreeable steps that please most people. The wisdom of the owl provides the picture of this style of management. This person believes that all parties have something to say, and each one should be heard. Everyone's goal shares importance and should be honored. This proves problematic when it becomes obvious that one party's goals cannot be achieved. The conflict episode will ultimately strengthen the relationship within the organization. Inherently, a strong belief that conflict can be managed marks this concept. Optimism and hope distinguish this style more than any other. The collaborator assumes all the conflicting parties can voice differences without destroying the existing relationship. He or she also believes that opponents will follow the rules of legitimate combat. This can create difficulties in the actual management of conflict. This management style demands cooperation from the conflicting parties. In conflict, cooperation can easily fade into the background, becoming almost invisible. The long-term effect should be stronger trust and relationships. Implementation of the solution should be easier.
This is a style that I try to implement more in my life. I believe it is the best of the bunch when paired with the compassion and love of the “teddy bear.”
The world needs Jesus. Modern-day conflict resolution aims for everything but actual resolution. It’s all about self and getting one’s own way. While the Bible teaches the opposite, and that we should all strive to be as selfless as possible in modeling Christ.
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